Life Transitions: It’s Never ‘All in the Details’

16 Aug

You know why I love coaching people through life transitions?  Because outside of simply career coaching, it’s really a limitless term that embodies the energy, the challenge, the opportunity of making a change really in any facet of our lives.  Sure, changing careers and/or jobs is certainly a large life transition, and an intensely exciting (and potentially stressful) one.  But how about the other kinds of transitions that are important in our lives, that maybe at first glance we don’t equate with being on the same level of magnitude as, say, a complete professional reinvention?  What about relocating to a new city because you just want to, or breaking up with your long-term significant other because you met someone, well, better for you, or even changing apartments to a different part of Brooklyn?  That’s a transition.  Heck, changing banks is a transition, and depending where your perspective is, it can be stressful.

Photo by Adrian Miles on Flickr

The fantastic thing about coaching someone through a transition is that no matter what the scenario at hand is, they are the protagonist in the story. And the story is an unwritten opportunity that may seem daunting, or the victim of severe writers’ block at first, but has absolute potential to be life-changing in an immensely positive and empowering way!  No matter what change is on the brink of coming into our lives… something good can come out of it, and it’s mine and my clients’ mutual journey to uncover that good and put it into motion. It’s kind of like being an archaeologist of the mind and soul, and finding a chest full of ancient scrolls that have existed since the beginning of human time, and unbeknowest initially to any of us, they hold all the answers to life.

Next month my fiance and I are moving apartments in Brooklyn, and while I’m excited by the prospect of a (slight) change of scenery, I’m less than thrilled with the typical aches and pains of the real estate process that await me on the other end of this journey.  Because 12% of $xx,xxx is a lot of money to pay some real estate agent in exchange for posting a Craig’s List ad for a two-bedroom rental, and blocking off two and half hours on a Tuesday evening to walk you around a couple of buildings.  But that’s standard fare in New York City as far as real estate brokerage goes, and I can choose to accept that… or I can choose to go elsewhere.

My fear is that I’m going to stumble upon this amazing abode on the most amazing of Brooklyner blocks, clearly within my price range, since I stated that to the agent upfront, and I’ll already be picking out my bar stool at the amazing neighborhood pub, when… BAM! He/she hits me with a massive fee that tips the scale way over budget. “Okay all I need you to do next is hand me over a check for the brokers fee, pretty much what you paid for your senior-year college tuition, because let’s face it- that’s just the “going rate” in the NYC market.”  And while I’m busy complaining how Boston is far more democratic when it comes to ripping off the little people than NYC is, some work-from-home up-and-coming Park Slope blogger who lives off their lofty severance package from their former finance job will be signing MY lease and making themselves comfortable in MY abode… and taking MY bar stool.

And alas, that could all very well happen.  But the reality is that neither myself, nor anyone else, can know that, nor can we control everything that happens in the world as we embark on these changes and transitions within our lives. Those are the details – the crown molding, the exposed brick, the perfectly southern facing exposure that lets the light in at the perfect angle… all details.  And only details, not non-negotiables.  And as we recognize the difference between the two, it’s important not to focus all of our energy on the details to the point where we are forgetting WHY we decided to make that transition, that change in our lives, in the first place.  We committed to making a change because we saw something bigger, and better, and we wanted it for ourselves enough to make it happen.

So it’s not all in the details, and in fact it rarely ever is.  Even with relationships, despite the saying.  The details help, but they aren’t the foundation.   What you truly see as your ideal version of yourself, you at your best, living your best life – that’s the foundation for making positive, lasting change.  I didn’t decide to move out of my current apartment because I was confident the parquet flooring would be better somewhere else.  I decided to move because the person I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with came into my small world, and suddenly life took a different route.  Did I expect it?  Not exactly.  Do I choose to embrace it?  Absolutely.  But I’m not changing my bank, just yet.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: